Seattle

In the midst of our vacation planning, I’ve been thinking about past trips we’ve taken and how much fun it is to get-away. Around this time two years ago, Mike and I were planning our trip to Seattle. I’d be lying if I said that this place was "just as good" as Taiwan, but it’s close. 

Klorer Cousins: if you have some vacation time and are for some reason thinking about visiting a relative, Seattle is the best you're gonna get. The flora is beauteous, the mountains awe-inspiring, and the people unorthodox. Come during Pride Fest and you’ll witness a delightful plethora of aberrant behavior: 

I seriously recommend that you go during Pride Fest. You won't see anything like it in the St. Louis parade.

Yes, this is a priest riding a frilly scooter while wearing a skirt cut above his knees... and loving it.

OK, I debated about posting this one. But we're all adults and we've all seen one in real life so I thought, what the hell-- they need to know what they're in for if they do go. 

The Gay Team knows how to party!

Even the Lutherans are more fun in Seattle.
The girl in the middle is just tired from all the walking. This parade is huge.

If you aren’t convinced yet, here it is: 

Ten Reasons To Visit Your Aunt Joanie in Seattle

#1. There’s a will to be made, and it’s anyone’s game. 

She doesn’t have any kids and, though she’d like to, she’s not gonna be able to leave her money to the dogs when she dies. 

You might be thinking, she’s leaving it to LinMara (duh!) but what if LinMara goes first? Take your chances: butter up to Joanie and her prepossessing wife. They may not have much but they’re also thrifty and those kinds of people surprise everyone with their bank accounts when they die. 

#2. They’re cool with it. 

Whatever you want to do, Joanie and LinMara are cool. They aren’t going to stop you and they certainly aren’t going to rat you out. In fact, they might even join in. 

Now depending on what it is you're hoping to do away from your parents/kids this might not be a good thing, but it is nice to know that someone in the family will provide a safe haven for you if you need it. 

#3. You can see the mountains and the water from their back yard. 

You might have heard Joanie allege this and thought, yeah, okay. But I’m here to tell you it’s true and it’s breath-taking. Not one of us here in St. Louis can claim to have a house with this kind of view, but if you go to Seattle you can pretend for a week that you do. 

This photo was, indeed, taken from J&L's back porch. 

#4. Joanie loves gossip.

Got a family member you really want to trash?  Joanie’ll denigrate anyone. Bring all your dirty laundry with you and she’ll help you air it. 

Dying to know what the deal with so and so really is? Joanie’ll tell you. Sure what she says might be made up (you’re certainly not going to check the facts with the involved parties when you get home), but c’mon, it’s entertaining. 

#5. Joanie also loves to travel. 

If you plan your trip just right, you can have a few days of bonding with J&L, then have the place to yourself while they’re cavorting in Spain or Poland. 

#6. LinMara is an organizational goddess. 

Once they leave you can snoop about their house all you want. Anything you’re looking for will be clearly labeled and placed just so. 

Find something interesting? Pick it up and put it down exactly how you found it, then step back to admire the hours of thoughtful planning that must have gone into arranging every single item in that house. 

Not only is it well-organized, but well-decorated too. Anyone with a taste for the mid-century modern look will appreciate how cool their house is. 

#7. They have a cleaning lady. 

Thank God. You can dirty the place up and Midge or whoever will be by to hide the evidence before they get home from Europe. 

#8. You can visit the house where the 1992 classic American thriller The Hand That Rocks The Cradle was filmed. 

I have many memories of watching this film on lonely summer nights when it aired as the WB’s 11 o’clock full-length feature. Seeing it in person was a total thrill. 

#9. The flora really is beauteous. 

If you walk to the house where The Hand That Rocks the Cradle was filmed (which you should because it’s only a block or two away from J&L’s), you can stop along the way to admire the exquisite gardens in West Magnolia. There’s just nothing like it in the mid-west. 

#10. You can meet Glen (if he’s still around). 

Poppy has been gone a long time, but Joanie and LinMara have found a lovely surrogate. Glen is their neighbor and your classic Old Man.  You’ll most likely visit him during happy hour, which, like many of his generation, he has at the exact same time every day. 

He’s over 80, and he loves to talk, but he’s had a hell of a life and some of what he has to say is actually interesting. Yes, he does ramble but Joanie knows how to make an exit; she’ll get you out of there when you’ve had enough.